Love is like a wishing well you drop blood, sweat, tears and cum into and still get nothing. I’m losing my humanity. Sifting through suitors and bobbing for boyfriends can have you going through a lot of men. I don’t know if I have any innocence left. Is it worth returning to that well?

I’m searching for a real love like Mary J. Blige. An honest God fearing man that covets more that one-night-stands. It’s more precious than penetration and more moving than the movies. I want a soulmate. But how do you find a soulmate without sacrificing your soul? 

It’s not like I can split my soul like Harry Potter and have “He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named” be a part of me. That didn’t exactly work out for Harry. 

Stupid Cupid struck me with his arrow again. His gay ass spreading glitter in the air. I waited three decades for him. Dodging diseases and devastation like I’m living in a third world country. But my first world problem can’t be solved with a hard penis after midnight. Loneliness causes sexual cravings to fill my salacious appetite. But what happens when he leaves, when I have to get off my knees? How do you I face myself after trying to erase myself?   

A sinner at home in time for dinner, counting down the days to his divorce. We order pasta from New York Pizza again. I lie across his chest in anticipation, while channel surfing. To the uninitiated, I make the most of our ordinary nights. But moments like these matter. I lose myself in the steel blue sheets often while fucking. From 30 seconds to 30 minutes, depending on how many sweet potatoes he consumes. The more he eats the better I sleep. Could our lust lead to a gay marriage?

Gay marriage is like a gay parade where over-drinking could lead to fucking under the stairs without exchanging last names. Oh the agony and ecstasy of pride, getting into danger by riding strangers. 

With some couples, the road to gay marriage is paved with polyamory and promiscuity. I have no interest in being a stereotype. Too many cookie-cutter cocksuckers, embracing infidelity like the Hunger Games. There is only one winner. 

From This Is Us to Toys “R” Us, the warm embrace of his ever-shifting mood swings challenge things. 

“Get up. Let’s go. I need to get some money.” He paces around the room like a homeless person seeking change.  

“Oh, you’re not going to fluff me first? And where’s the coffee and breakfast?” I shift my body underneath the blue striped comforter. Crust fills my eyes. My breath reeks of last’s night’s wine. I sip from the glass left on the bookcase next to the bed. 

“I’m not going to court today. I’m getting a lawyer, and I want half of everything she has. I don’t care if she’s in debt.” He hunches his shoulder and furrows his brows. 

I listen for a while. I need to wipe my red wine lacquered smile. 

His marriage status complicates our relationship. He was separated for three years and this divorce could have been over today. You never know which way the pendulum swings. This judge isn’t like Judge Judy, who's consistent. But, you can’t do small claims when there are big decisions. 

He wants his family back. He won't let go. A decade with his wife and two kids can make any husband comfortable. And I don’t want to be the catalyst to their controversy. But if it wasn’t for her leaving him, he wouldn’t be available. In a way I owe her. So here’s a toast to their failed marriage.

I would like to get married someday, although I've never been to a wedding. I've seen plenty on TV. And a certain reality star turned leader of the free world could snatch the chance of that first dance. How did we give a man donning a blond wig so much power? Thoughts turn to our Founding Fathers. 

From presidents to precedents, monogamy is the model I aspire too. I’m no First Lady, but having a compelling, long lasting relationship is possible. 
I have to embody the relationship I want to see. Perhaps, I should marry me.  Love that strong can overpower Bible verses, political views, and zodiac signs. But he’ll come around whenever he divorces his wife.


If not I’m back to that well.


Walter Reed is a sex columnist at LoveWalter.com Send your love and sex advice questions to asklovewalter@gmail.com